I recently made a decision and it’s been a hard one for me.It’s been a on going progress for the last two years.I have had to LET GO of a paradigm where I am the big strong knight in shining armour,the strong one(I KNOW THAT’S STRANGE FOR A FEMALE) and gently embrace my own fragile self.Even tho I hate to show my weakness and say i’m not strong.I’ve held on so tightly to the past at times in my life,that it hurt.But,that was caused by fear.I don’t really understand why i did, due to the fact that my life wasn’t enjoyable,in holding onto to it for so long.I guess once you lived in child abuse,it seems you can never let go of it. And fine the love in your heart.
But,lately i’ve been letting go of those old memories,of course they’re still with me.But,i’m not living with them no more,I held on to so much that i stop living or even caring.I just have to let go and set myself free,allow myself to find myself again and let go of my demons.This has meant that I have had to change the way I view myself and life in general.I have had to let go of a lot of things and realize what really matters to me.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget what happened.I’m not judging any actions.That is not up to me.But,I let go of the burden,misery,and shame.I won’t be miserable for the rest of my life.I forgive what you all did.In forgiving,I let go.I have such a clear understanding of who I want to be and don’t want to be.If it wasn’t for what i went threw,I wouldn’t understand what hate,bitterness,pain and sorrow really feels like,and what it did to me.It turned into everything i was not.In a lot of ways, even tho it might be strange, i learned from being abused in my childhood.And now know, i refuse to let memories haunt my dreams and life.The connection between you the abuser and I is no longer there.I am free of my pain. So, I’ve let go of the chains,and now it’s time to move on.
