Whether I can handle the changing seasons of my life and the ongoing reflection of turmoil.And can make it through the whole world crashing down around me,trying to figure out if i can handle losing my mom.The everyday struggle of seeing her in pain.Knowing that she’s yet to face more cancer now after three brain surgeries to remove cancer. She ,also has a mass on her lymph nodes and another surgery coming.Plus,a surgery on her spine, where the radiation has ate her bones from trying to stop the cancer on her brain, to point, they’ve had to remove bones,she cant really move her head well.She hardly talks where u can understand her or capable of eat anything by mouth and i have to feed her threw a tube.
The independent person she was gone and wondering if the next day, just might be her last.I think i sat and cried most the night and felt that i really can’t talk to no one about how i feel.To look at what you love,that’s so dear, slowly dying before you and trying keep it from ripping your heart out.At some point, you realize that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you love a person,they leave us.I just can’t face that right now.
I’ve start using all my energy and love,so i can let people know i care about them.The effect of seeing my mom ,so ill, has really made me open my eyes in not taking anyone for granted.
I want to know if the child in my heart can rise above everything that is happening and be able to survive it.I want to know if getting older means being able to get over a loss,because, i do know how nor do i want too.That means letting go of any hope?It’s all i have.And I sure as hell have been afraid of changing.I did kind of build my life around my mom — she is my one constant, the one ,I could always turn to.When everyone else has not been there for me.I’m pondering the avalanche of everything that is crashing down on me…at this moment, my life truly feels like a landslide in many ways.
“Well I’ve been afraid of changin’ because I’ve built my life around you”
“I did kind of build my life around my mom — she is my one constant, the one ,I could always turn to.When everyone else has not been there for me.”
Perhaps your mother is hesitant to go because you feel you need to hold on to her. It may be time to own your own person, call on your own source within for strength. It is there….always has been , just ask.
The physical body is transient, love is eternal Tap into the power of that love to ,treasure others, carry you through, allow you to blossom and your mother to release her pain and make her natural transition in the circle of life. Trust that all is as it should be. On the other side of the dark and cold night there is always a bright sun.
Best to you.
“So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains….YOU HAVE THE KEY”
By: The Path to Freedom on September 20, 2011
at 8:56 pm